Being Present with Your Kids

Your kids will not remember the overtime hours you worked. They won't remember the bigger house or the nicer car. They'll remember whether you showed up. Whether you were there for their games, their questions, their moments. Whether they felt like they mattered to you.

Being present isn't about quantity of time, though that matters too. It's about the quality of your attention when you are there. A dad who's home but always distracted isn't really present at all.

What Presence Looks Like

Eye contact: When your child talks to you, you look at them. You put down the phone. You turn away from the screen. They see that they have your attention.

Engagement: You ask questions about their world. You know their friends' names, their interests, what they're excited or worried about.

Showing up: You're at the events that matter to them. Games, performances, important moments. They look in the stands and see your face.

Availability: When they need to talk, you make time. The conversation they want to have at 9pm might not be convenient, but it matters.

Children spell love T-I-M-E. You can tell them you love them all day, but if you never have time for them, they won't believe it. Your presence is the proof of your love.

What Gets in the Way

Work: The demands are real. But work will take everything you give it. You have to set limits.

Phones: Every notification steals a moment from your child. They notice every time you look away.

Fatigue: You come home exhausted and just want to zone out. But your kids need you in those evening hours.

Not knowing how: Maybe your dad wasn't present either. You don't have a model for what this looks like.

The Impact of Absence

Kids with absent or disengaged fathers are more likely to struggle with confidence, relationships, and identity. They're looking to you to know if they matter, if they're worth someone's time. Your absence sends a message even if you don't intend it.

This isn't about guilt. It's about understanding the stakes. Your presence shapes who they become.

Practical Steps

• Device-free time: When you're with your kids, put the phone away. Not just down. Away.
• One-on-one time: Regular time with each child individually. They need you to themselves sometimes.
• Be at the things: Games, recitals, school events. As many as you can manage.
• Bedtime ritual: This time at the end of the day often produces the real conversations.
• Know their world: What are they into right now? Who are their friends? What are they worried about?

Your Action Steps

This week: Put your phone away during time with your kids. Notice how often you reach for it.

This month: Schedule individual time with each child. Something they want to do, with your full attention.

This quarter: Evaluate your work-life balance honestly. Are your kids getting enough of you? What needs to change?