Marriage
Avoidant Attachment in Marriage
When independence becomes emotional distance.
Men with avoidant attachment value independence and self-sufficiency. In marriage, this shows up as emotional distance, discomfort with closeness, and pulling away when your wife needs connection. You may feel smothered by her emotional needs or shut down when conflict arises. The self-protection that feels safe to you leaves her feeling alone.
Understanding your attachment style helps you connect more fully.
How Avoidant Attachment Shows Up in Marriage
- Withdrawing when she wants to talk about feelings
- Feeling smothered by her emotional needs
- Shutting down during conflict
- Prioritizing work or hobbies over connection
- Difficulty saying "I love you" or expressing affection
- Feeling relieved when she's not around
Your independence isn't wrong. But marriage requires vulnerability you've been avoiding. Real strength means moving toward connection even when everything in you wants to pull away.
Growing Toward Security
Stay present: Don't withdraw when emotions rise.
Initiate connection: Don't wait for her to always pursue you.
Name feelings: Practice identifying and sharing your inner world.
Tolerate discomfort: Closeness will feel uncomfortable at first.
Recognize the pattern: Pulling away hurts both of you.