Being the Initiator

Many men wait. They wait for their wife to plan the date, to start the hard conversation, to suggest counseling, to fix the problem. This is passivity disguised as patience. A man who leads his marriage is an initiator: he sees what's needed and makes it happen, rather than waiting for someone else to act.

When you consistently wait for your wife to initiate connection, to fix problems, to plan, she ends up carrying the relational weight of the marriage alone. And she's exhausted.

What Initiators Do

• Plan dates without being asked
• Start hard conversations that need to happen
• Suggest counseling when needed
• Pursue connection rather than waiting for it
• Notice when something's wrong and address it
• Lead in spiritual matters

Your wife shouldn't have to be the relationship manager. If she's always the one initiating connection, conversation, and growth, you've outsourced your leadership to her.

Why Men Don't Initiate

Fear of rejection: What if she says no? What if it goes badly?

Not knowing how: Never learned to take initiative in relationships.

Passivity: Easier to wait and let things happen.

Assumption: Thinking she prefers to be in charge of this.

Starting to Initiate

Just start: Don't overthink it. Plan something, do something, say something.

Accept imperfection: Your initiative doesn't have to be perfect to matter.

Be consistent: One initiative doesn't change a pattern. Keep at it.

Ask for feedback: What would she love for you to initiate more?

Your Action Steps

This week: Initiate something in your marriage without being asked. Date, conversation, prayer, anything.

This month: Take the lead on something you've been passively waiting for her to handle.

This quarter: Make initiative a habit, not an occasional occurrence.