Keeping Romance Alive

In the beginning, romance came easily. You thought about her constantly. You put effort into dates, into surprises, into pursuing her. Then you got married, life got busy, and the romance that used to be automatic became one more thing competing for your limited energy. Without intention, romance fades into routine.

But it doesn't have to. Romance can be maintained, even deepened, throughout a marriage. It just requires the same intention that came naturally in the beginning.

What Kills Romance

• Taking her for granted: Assuming she'll always be there, no effort needed
• Routine without variety: Same thing every time, predictable and boring
• Kids consuming everything: No energy left for each other
• Letting yourself go: No longer putting in effort
• Criticism and contempt: Hard to feel romantic toward someone who tears you down

You pursued her before you married her. Why would you stop pursuing her after? The chase doesn't end with "I do." Marriage is an ongoing pursuit, not a finish line.

Keeping Romance Alive

Regular dates: Scheduled time just for the two of you. Weekly if possible.

Surprise and variety: Break the routine. Plan something unexpected.

Physical affection: Touch that isn't just a prelude to sex.

Words of love: Tell her you love her. Tell her why. Often.

Small gestures: Notes, texts, small gifts, acts of service.

Stay curious: Keep learning about her. She's still changing.

Romance Is Her Language

For many women, romance isn't just a nice extra. It's essential to feeling loved and desired. When romance disappears, she may feel like you've stopped caring, even if you're still providing, still faithful, still there. Romance communicates desire. Without it, she may feel more like a roommate than a wife.

Your Action Steps

This week: Do something romantic that you haven't done in a while.

This month: Plan a date that's different from your usual routine.

This quarter: Build regular romance rhythms that don't depend on feeling like it.