Understanding Anxiety in Men

Men experience anxiety differently than often portrayed. It might not look like trembling or panic. It might look like irritability, controlling behavior, overworking, or physical symptoms like headaches and back pain. Many men have anxiety without recognizing it.

This article is educational. If anxiety is significantly affecting your life, please talk with a healthcare professional or counselor who can provide personalized assessment and support.

What Anxiety Looks Like in Men

Physical symptoms: Headaches, muscle tension, stomach problems, fatigue, trouble sleeping. Your body carries what your mind won't acknowledge.

Irritability: Snapping at your wife, short temper with your kids, low frustration tolerance. Anxiety often wears the mask of anger.

Need for control: Trying to manage everything around you because you can't manage what's inside you. Controlling behavior can be anxiety's attempt at safety.

Overworking: Staying busy keeps the thoughts at bay. Stopping feels dangerous because the worry comes flooding in.

Avoidance: Situations that trigger anxiety get avoided. Social events, difficult conversations, new experiences. Life gets smaller.

Anxiety is not weakness. It's your nervous system stuck in alarm mode. Understanding what's happening gives you tools to respond differently.

Common Signs

• Constant worry that's hard to control
• Feeling keyed up or on edge
• Difficulty concentrating or mind going blank
• Sleep problems, trouble falling or staying asleep
• Muscle tension, especially in neck and shoulders
• Fatigue despite adequate rest
• Irritability out of proportion to situations
• Avoiding situations that feel threatening

Why Men Don't Recognize It

Men are taught that anxiety is fear, and fear is weakness. So when anxiety shows up, they call it stress, pressure, or just life. They push through rather than addressing it. But pushing through anxiety often makes it stronger.

Men also tend to externalize. Instead of saying "I feel anxious," a man might say "Everything is falling apart" or "Everyone is incompetent." The anxiety gets projected outward rather than recognized inward.

In Your Marriage

Anxiety affects your marriage whether you acknowledge it or not. Your irritability lands on your wife. Your controlling behavior limits her freedom. Your avoidance keeps you from being fully present. She experiences your anxiety even if you don't name it.

Naming it helps. "I'm feeling anxious about this" is more useful than acting out the anxiety in ways that hurt your relationship.

Managing Anxiety

Physical basics: Sleep, exercise, and limiting caffeine and alcohol make a bigger difference than most people realize.

Name what you feel: "I'm feeling anxious" reduces the intensity. Emotions acknowledged are easier to manage than emotions ignored.

Challenge catastrophic thinking: Anxiety tells you the worst will happen. Ask: "What's actually likely? What's the evidence?"

Allow discomfort: Avoiding what makes you anxious strengthens the anxiety. Gradually facing those situations, with support, reduces it.

Get professional help: If anxiety is significantly affecting your life, talk to a counselor or doctor. Effective approaches exist, but they require professional guidance.

Your Action Steps

This week: Notice when you feel on edge, irritable, or need to control. Ask: "Is anxiety driving this?"

This month: Talk to your wife about what you're noticing. Let her help you see patterns you might miss.

This quarter: If anxiety is affecting your life, make an appointment with a counselor or your doctor. Get professional perspective.