The Power of Affirmation

Words carry weight. They can encourage or discourage, build up or tear down, heal or wound. The people closest to you, your wife and kids, are deeply affected by what comes out of your mouth. A pattern of criticism damages. A pattern of affirmation strengthens.

Many men find it easier to criticize than to affirm. We notice what's wrong more quickly than what's right. We assume people know when they're doing well. But unexpressed appreciation might as well not exist. The people in your life need to hear it.

Why Affirmation Matters

It builds security: People who are regularly affirmed feel more secure in the relationship.

It reinforces good: What you appreciate tends to increase. What you ignore or criticize tends to diminish.

It counters negativity: We naturally notice negatives more than positives. Affirmation corrects the imbalance.

It reveals what you value: What you affirm shows what you see and appreciate.

Your wife hears plenty of criticism from the world. She needs your voice to be different. If the ratio of positive to negative in your marriage is off, she's slowly being worn down.

Affirming Your Wife

• Notice and comment on what she does well
• Express appreciation for specific things, not just generalities
• Compliment her character, not just her appearance
• Thank her for things you might take for granted
• Speak well of her to others, especially in front of her

Affirming Your Kids

Children are shaped by what you affirm. Praise effort, character, and growth, not just achievement. Let them hear you express belief in them. The voice in their head for the rest of their lives will sound a lot like yours.

Your Action Steps

This week: Affirm your wife daily. Be specific about what you appreciate.

This month: Evaluate the ratio of positive to negative in what you say at home. Adjust it.

This quarter: Ask your wife if she feels more criticized or appreciated by you. Listen honestly.