Having Deep Conversations

Many couples talk constantly about logistics: who's picking up the kids, what's for dinner, when the bills are due. But they rarely talk about anything that matters. Dreams, fears, hopes, struggles, the state of their hearts. The result is a marriage where two people know each other's schedules but not each other's souls.

Deep conversation requires intention. It doesn't happen accidentally. You have to create space for it and be willing to go past the comfortable surface.

Levels of Conversation

Surface: Facts and information. What happened today. Schedules and logistics.

Middle: Opinions and preferences. What you think about things.

Deep: Feelings, fears, dreams, struggles. What's really going on inside.

If your conversations never get past logistics and opinions, you're managing a household together but not building intimacy. She needs to know your heart, not just your calendar.

What Keeps Conversations Shallow

• No time or margin for real conversation
• Distractions that interrupt before depth can happen
• Fear of vulnerability or being truly known
• Not knowing what to talk about beyond the surface
• Avoiding topics that might lead to conflict

Going Deeper

Ask better questions: Instead of "How was your day?" ask "What was hard today? What are you looking forward to?"

Share first: If you want depth from her, model it. Share something real about your own inner life.

Listen without fixing: Deep sharing requires safety. Don't jump to solutions.

Create space: Deep conversations need time and freedom from interruption.

Follow the thread: When something meaningful surfaces, stay with it. Go deeper.

Your Action Steps

This week: Have one conversation that goes beyond logistics. Ask a deeper question.

This month: Create regular space for uninterrupted conversation. A weekly check-in or date night.

This quarter: Share something about your inner life that you haven't shared before.