Words of Affirmation

For some people, actions speak louder than words. For you, words are the action. Hearing "I love you," "I'm proud of you," "You're doing a great job," these fill your tank in a way nothing else does. If words of affirmation is your connection style, verbal expression isn't optional. It's essential.

The right words at the right time can carry you through a hard week. The wrong words, or worse, silence, can leave you empty even when everything else is going well.

If This Is Your Style

You remember the good things people have said about you. Compliments stick with you. Encouragement fuels you. When your wife notices something you did well and says it out loud, that moment stays with you.

The flip side is also true. Criticism cuts deep. Harsh words replay in your mind long after they were spoken. Silence from someone you love feels like rejection, even if they didn't mean it that way.

What Words of Affirmation Communicate

• Value: Spoken appreciation says "I see what you do and it matters."
• Attraction: Verbal compliments say "I still choose you. I'm still glad you're mine."
• Encouragement: Words of belief say "I'm in your corner. You can do this."
• Love: Sometimes you just need to hear it said. "I love you" out loud, directly, sincerely.

Speaking This Language to Your Wife

If your wife's connection style is words of affirmation, she needs to hear it. Not once a year on your anniversary. Regularly. Specifically. Out loud.

• Tell her you love her daily, and mean it
• Compliment specific things, not just generic praise
• Express gratitude for things she does
• Encourage her in her goals and struggles
• Speak well of her to others, especially in her hearing
• Send texts during the day just to say something kind

Men often think "she knows I love her." Maybe she does. But if words are her language, knowing isn't enough. She needs to hear it. Regularly. Specifically. From you.

The Destroyer: Criticism

If words build up, words also tear down. For someone whose connection style is words of affirmation, criticism is devastating. Not just the harsh kind. Even gentle critique can feel like an attack.

This doesn't mean you can never address problems. It means you have to be careful how you do it. Wrap feedback in affirmation. Make sure your ratio of positive to negative words is heavily skewed toward positive.

For Men Who Struggle With Words

Some men weren't raised to express themselves verbally. It feels awkward. Unnatural. You might think "she knows how I feel" or "actions speak louder than words." But if her style is words, your silence doesn't speak. It screams.

Start small. Write it if you can't say it. A text message. A note. Build the muscle. It will feel less awkward with practice.

Your Action Steps

This week: Say "I love you" to your wife at least once a day. Look at her when you say it. Mean it.

This month: Write her a letter expressing specific things you appreciate about her. Not generic. Specific. "I love how you..." Give it to her.

This quarter: Ask your wife: "What words do you most need to hear from me?" Her answer is your roadmap.