Handling Criticism Well

Nobody likes being criticized. The instinct is to defend, deflect, or counterattack. But how you handle criticism determines whether you grow from it or get stuck. A man who can't receive feedback is a man who stops developing.

This matters especially in marriage. Your wife will have things to say about you that are hard to hear. If you shut down every time, she'll stop telling you the truth. And you'll lose access to the person who knows you best.

Why We React Badly

It feels like attack: Criticism triggers the same part of the brain as physical threat. Your body responds accordingly.

Identity threat: If criticism feels like it's defining who you are rather than addressing what you did, it hits much harder.

Shame: Criticism can touch old wounds about not being good enough.

Pride: Admitting someone else might be right requires humility we don't always have.

The goal isn't to become unaffected by criticism. It's to create space between the criticism and your response, enough space to actually consider whether it's true.

A Better Response

Pause: Don't respond immediately. Take a breath. Let the initial reaction pass.

Assume good intent: Unless proven otherwise, assume the person is trying to help, not hurt you.

Listen to understand: What are they actually saying? What's the specific concern?

Look for the truth: Even poorly delivered criticism often contains something worth hearing. What's the kernel of truth?

Thank them: Even if you disagree, thank them for caring enough to say something. This is hard and disarming.

Reflect later: You don't have to agree or disagree in the moment. Take time to process.

When Your Wife Criticizes

Her criticism is often information about how she's experiencing you. Even if she delivers it badly, there's usually something important underneath. Getting defensive means missing something you need to hear.

Your Action Steps

This week: Next time you receive criticism, pause before responding. Just listen.

This month: Ask your wife for honest feedback about one area. Receive it without defending.

This quarter: Notice your pattern with criticism. Where does defensiveness show up? What's it protecting?