Parenting as a Team

You and your wife come from different families with different approaches to parenting. You have different personalities, different tolerances, different instincts. Getting on the same page about raising kids takes constant communication and intentional alignment.

When parents aren't united, kids feel it. They become insecure, or they learn to play you against each other. Neither outcome is good. Your unity as parents creates the foundation for their stability.

Common Disagreements

Discipline: How strict? What consequences? When to be firm, when to be flexible?

Screen time: How much is okay? What content? When?

Schedules and structure: How structured should the home be? Bedtimes, routines, expectations?

Activities: How much is too much? What to prioritize?

Academics: How much pressure? What expectations?

You don't have to agree on everything. But you do need to present a united front to your kids. Disagreements get worked out privately, not in front of them.

Principles for Unity

Discuss privately: When you disagree, take it behind closed doors. Kids shouldn't see parents undermining each other.

Support publicly: Even if you're not sure about her decision in the moment, back her up. Discuss adjustments later.

Defer to the engaged parent: If she's handling a situation, let her handle it. Swooping in undermines her authority.

Regular alignment conversations: Don't wait for problems. Regularly discuss your approach to parenting.

Be willing to compromise: Neither of you has the only right approach. Find the middle ground that works for both.

When You're the Problem

• Overriding her decisions in front of the kids
• Being the "fun parent" while she does all the discipline
• Not backing her up when she's set a limit
• Criticizing her parenting in front of the children
• Being absent and then making major parenting decisions

Your Action Steps

This week: If you've undermined your wife recently, own it. Apologize privately and publicly if needed.

This month: Have a parenting alignment conversation. Where are you on the same page? Where do you need to work it out?

This quarter: Build in regular check-ins about parenting. Stay aligned as situations change.