Unity in Parenting

When parents aren't united, kids learn to exploit the gaps. They go to mom when dad says no. They pit one parent against the other. But worse than manipulation is the anxiety children feel when the two people they depend on most can't agree. Unity between parents creates security for children.

Unity doesn't mean you'll agree on everything. It means you work out disagreements privately and present a united front to your kids.

Why Unity Matters

• Security: Kids feel safe when parents are aligned
• Consistency: Clear expectations across both parents
• Marriage protection: Kids can't divide what's united
• Modeling: Shows kids how healthy teams work
• Effectiveness: Discipline works better with backup

Don't undermine your wife in front of the kids. Even if you disagree with her decision, support her publicly and discuss it privately. If she says no, you say no. If she sets a consequence, you enforce it. Unity first, discussion later.

Common Divides

Discipline style: One parent strict, one lenient.

Screen time: Different views on limits and content.

Activities: Disagreement on how busy kids should be.

Expectations: Different standards for behavior and achievement.

Emotional needs: Different approaches to kids' feelings.

Building Unity

Regular parenting talks: Scheduled time to discuss kids, not just crises.

Agree on core values: What matters most? Start there.

Support publicly: Back her up even when you disagree.

Discuss privately: Work out differences away from kids.

Adjust together: When one needs to change, both agree to it.

Your Action Steps

This week: Notice where you and your wife aren't on the same page.

This month: Have a parenting conversation about one area of disagreement.

This quarter: Build a regular rhythm of parenting check-ins.