Recognizing Selfishness

Every person has a default orientation toward self. We naturally think about our own needs, our own comfort, our own perspective. This is normal. But left unchecked, it becomes destructive selfishness that erodes marriage, damages fatherhood, and poisons relationships.

The tricky thing about selfishness is that it's often invisible to the person who has it. You can be deeply selfish and completely unaware. That's why external feedback and honest self-examination matter so much.

How Selfishness Shows Up

• Putting your needs and wants consistently above others'
• Making decisions without considering how they affect your family
• Expecting more from others than you give
• Keeping score and ensuring you come out ahead
• Difficulty celebrating others' success
• Taking more than your share of time, resources, or attention
• Viewing others primarily in terms of what they do for you

Selfishness doesn't announce itself. It whispers reasonable justifications for why you deserve more, why your needs matter most, why this situation is different. Learn to recognize the whisper.

Selfishness in Marriage

A selfish husband drains his wife. He takes more than he gives. He prioritizes his comfort, his preferences, his schedule. She ends up serving his needs while her own go unmet. Over time, she stops expecting anything and the marriage becomes hollow.

Moving Toward Selflessness

Get honest feedback: Ask your wife where she sees selfishness in you. Actually listen.

Practice giving: Intentionally put others' needs ahead of your own. Do it until it becomes habit.

Check your motives: Before decisions, ask "Who benefits from this? Am I considering others?"

Serve without recognition: Do things for others with no expectation of return or acknowledgment.

Your Action Steps

This week: Ask your wife where she experiences selfishness from you. Don't defend.

This month: Identify one area where you consistently put yourself first. Change it.

This quarter: Build habits of service that don't benefit you directly.