Communication in Marriage

You might think you're communicating because words are coming out of your mouth. But communication isn't just talking. It's being understood. It's listening until your spouse feels heard. It's saying hard things in ways that don't destroy. Many men talk at their wives rather than with them. We fix when she needs to vent. We lecture when she needs empathy. We shut down when she needs connection.

Better communication is one of the highest-leverage improvements you can make in your marriage.

Common Communication Failures

• Fixing instead of listening: Jumping to solutions before understanding
• Defending instead of hearing: Making it about being right
• Withdrawing: Shutting down when it gets hard
• Escalating: Matching her intensity with your own
• Mind-reading: Assuming you know what she means
• Interrupting: Not letting her finish thoughts

Communication isn't about who's right. It's about understanding each other. You can win the argument and lose the relationship. Learn to fight for connection, not victory.

Communicating Better

Listen first: Seek to understand before being understood.

Reflect back: "What I'm hearing is..." to confirm understanding.

Ask questions: Be curious rather than defensive.

Take breaks: Pause when flooded rather than saying something destructive.

Use "I" statements: Share how you feel without accusing.

Your Action Steps

This week: In one conversation, listen without fixing or defending.

This month: Ask your wife how she experiences your communication.

This quarter: Address one communication pattern that creates disconnection.