Signs of Gaslighting

You know what happened. You were there. But they're telling you it didn't happen that way, or didn't happen at all. They're so confident that you start wondering if you're the one who's wrong. Maybe you did misremember. Maybe you are too sensitive. Maybe you are losing your mind.

That's gaslighting—a form of psychological manipulation designed to make you distrust your own perceptions. According to the National Institutes of Health, gaslighting is a serious form of emotional abuse with significant mental health consequences.

Common Gaslighting Phrases

• "That never happened."
• "You're imagining things."
• "You're crazy / paranoid / too sensitive."
• "I never said that."
• "You're overreacting."
• "No one else has a problem with me—just you."
• "You're always making things up."
• "Why would you think that? That's insane."
• "You have a terrible memory."
• "I was just joking. You can't take a joke."

Signs You're Being Gaslighted

• You constantly second-guess yourself
• You ask yourself "Am I being too sensitive?" multiple times a day
• You feel confused or "crazy" much of the time
• You're always apologizing
• You have trouble making simple decisions
• You make excuses for your partner's behavior to family and friends
• You withhold information to avoid confrontations
• You feel like you can't do anything right
• You wonder if you're good enough
• You feel like you used to be a different person—more confident, more fun

Gaslighting Tactics

Denial

Flat-out refusing to acknowledge something that happened. "I never said that." Even if you have proof, they'll deny it or claim the proof is wrong.

Diversion

Changing the subject or questioning your thinking when you raise a concern. "You're getting this from your mother, aren't you?"

Minimization

Dismissing your feelings as an overreaction. "You're making a big deal out of nothing."

Countering

Questioning your memory even when you remember clearly. "Are you sure about that? Your memory isn't exactly reliable."

Blocking/Diverting

Refusing to engage with a question or changing the conversation. "I'm not having this conversation again."

The goal of gaslighting isn't to win an argument. It's to destabilize you so completely that you stop trusting yourself and become dependent on their version of reality.

The Effects of Gaslighting

According to the American Psychological Association, long-term gaslighting can lead to:

• Anxiety and depression
• Loss of self-esteem
• Inability to trust yourself
• Hypervigilance
• Difficulty making decisions
• Constant self-doubt
• A feeling of losing your grip on reality

What to Do If You're Being Gaslighted

• Trust your gut: If something feels wrong, it probably is
• Document: Keep records, save texts, write things down
• Reality-check with others: Talk to trusted friends or family
• Seek professional help: A therapist can help you rebuild trust in your perceptions
• Consider the relationship: Gaslighting often escalates. Is this relationship safe?