Red Flags in Relationships

Hindsight is brutal. Looking back, the signs were there from the beginning. But when you're in it—especially when you're falling for someone—red flags look like quirks, or passion, or proof that they really care. Learning to recognize warning signs early can save years of pain.

Early Dating Red Flags

Love Bombing

Overwhelming you with attention, affection, and commitment way too fast. They're already talking about your future together on the third date. It feels amazing—that's the point. According to NIH research on narcissism, love bombing is often followed by a sharp devaluation once you're hooked.

All Their Exes Are "Crazy"

Everyone has a difficult breakup or two. But if every ex is described as crazy, toxic, or the villain in their story—with no self-reflection about their own role—that's a pattern. Eventually, you'll be the next "crazy ex."

Pushing Boundaries

You say you're not ready for something; they push anyway. You set a limit; they test it. Small boundary violations early predict larger ones later.

Inconsistency

Hot and cold behavior. Intense interest followed by disappearing. Grand promises followed by no follow-through. Watch what they do, not what they say.

Serious Red Flags

• Controlling behavior: Dictating who you see, what you wear, where you go
• Excessive jealousy: Jealousy isn't love—it's insecurity and control
• Isolation: Cutting you off from friends and family
• Never their fault: Zero accountability for anything
• Disrespect: Putting you down, dismissing your feelings, contempt
• Rage: Explosive anger, especially over small things
• Lying: Dishonesty about small things means dishonesty about big things
• Financial control: Restricting access to money or creating financial dependence
• Making you feel crazy: Gaslighting, denying reality, questioning your perceptions

Emotional Red Flags

• You feel like you're always walking on eggshells
• You've started hiding things from friends and family
• You feel worse about yourself since the relationship started
• You're always apologizing even when you did nothing wrong
• You feel anxious about their reactions to normal things
• You've stopped doing things you used to enjoy

A red flag isn't always a dealbreaker on its own. But red flags tend to cluster. If you're seeing multiple warning signs, pay attention.

Why We Ignore Red Flags

According to research from the American Psychological Association, we ignore red flags because:

• We're focused on potential rather than reality
• Early chemistry overrides logic
• We don't want to be "too picky"
• We excuse behavior we wouldn't tolerate in anyone else
• We're invested and don't want to start over
• We believe we can change them

Trust Your Gut

Your intuition processes information your conscious mind hasn't registered yet. If something feels off, it probably is. Don't let anyone—including yourself—talk you out of what you know.