Premarital Assessment Guide

You're in love. You're excited. You can't wait to start your life together. That's beautiful—and it's also exactly when you're least likely to see clearly. The infatuation stage isn't known for objectivity.

That's why premarital assessment matters. Not to kill the romance, but to build on a foundation that will hold when the romance ebbs.

What Research Shows

Studies from the National Institutes of Health show that couples who complete premarital preparation have significantly higher marital satisfaction and lower divorce rates. Why? Because they've already had the hard conversations. They know what they're signing up for.

Essential Topics to Address

Money

Money is the number one thing couples fight about. Before marriage, discuss: current debts, financial habits, who manages money, spending vs. saving approaches, financial goals, and attitudes about lifestyle.

Children

Do you both want kids? How many? When? What about fertility challenges—how far would you go? What parenting philosophy? What about discipline? Don't assume you're aligned.

Family Boundaries

How involved will in-laws be? Where will you spend holidays? What happens when your family and partner conflict? These become major pressure points if not discussed.

Career and Lifestyle

Whose career takes priority? Would you relocate for a job? What about work-life balance expectations? What lifestyle do you want—and can you afford it?

Conflict Style

How do you each fight? Does one pursue while the other withdraws? Does anyone shut down, yell, or stonewall? Can you disagree without damaging the relationship?

Intimacy Expectations

This isn't just about frequency. It's about how you connect, what you need to feel close, how you navigate differences in desire.

Values and Faith

What do you believe? How important is it? What about raising children in a faith tradition? Values alignment predicts long-term satisfaction.

The goal isn't to avoid all differences. It's to know what you're working with. Some differences are complementary. Others are dealbreakers. Better to know now.

Red Flags Before Marriage

• You avoid certain topics because they always lead to fights
• You're hoping marriage will fix existing problems
• Friends and family have serious concerns
• You've never seen them handle major stress
• There's pressure to commit before you're ready
• You're more excited about the wedding than the marriage

According to the American Psychological Association, problems that exist before marriage don't disappear after the ceremony—they intensify.